Topic: Don’t kill dreams, they are the future

Topic: Don’t kill dreams, they are the future

What are the factors helping our Indian parents in killing their children's dreams?

• From the factors of orthodox point of view

• From the factors of social view

Please share your personal experiences.

How can we educate our parents to understand this concept

• You have one life and a hundred desires. You will complete those desires one by one through your children.
• You can see your children growing above you.
• You can fulfill your fulfilled desires to become something, through your children from now.

We have seen too many dreams of adults dying, not because the individual is not capable enough.

Every one of us is having a special ability which we can use to serve humanity. Dreams don’t die, they stay in the background always.

Sometimes dreams die because we are not allowed to pursue our dreams. We saw adults with so much sparkle in their eyes whenever they talked about their dreams but wait, that spark seemed to be replaced by anger & guilt within minutes.

Why’s that? Because they didn’t achieve their dreams & the reason is parents (Don’t know the percentage around the world, but in our society, it is 75%).

Sometimes, we become so emotionally weak that our relations define what we are going to do in our life.

Really I know what connected me with these adults, my class room setup, I'm connecting them in my classroom everyday, some hundreds, so I wanted to get in the depths of the issue. What I found out is, adults blame their parents for not achieving their dreams. What makes them do so?

Every parent supports their children but in this case, it’s opposite. Parents are the one who decides their children's future right after the birth. Parenting plays an important role in what a child can become.

Dreams Killed by parents before:

Dream 1: One of the parents I know, their son  wanted to be a Business Analyst & told her parents that she wants to study abroad, her family posses a quite good amount of money, she wasn’t allowed because he is 24 and his parents think that it’s her age to get married not to study.

Dream 2: He Wanted to be a professional photographer & wasn’t allowed to work in a private company as his father was working in a public corporation and wanted the same for him, which he didn’t want.

Dream 3: She is one of my relatives, wanted to be a teacher & was forced to marry because she is 25 & her parents found a suitable guy for her, they didn’t even consider asking her. And later, her father-in-law didn’t allow her to work.

And many more dreams go Mirage. She was packed and labelled as a housewife to look after family affairs, kitchen, senior citizens and children. See how parents are killing their children's dreams & also their relationships.

Society Factor - how affecting the dreams of children

To Indian parents, society matters more than their own child. Their pride & their value in society is defined by what their children are doing. I am mentioning all the points from the context of parents.

• How will I face people in the society, my child only scored 65%?
• How can I let my 18 yr daughter wear a skirt, that will attract more boys & people will say she was no shame. (Because showing legs is a criminal offense in this society).
• I can’t let my daughter work in a Walmart(for ex.), people will say that we are so poor & eating our daughter’s money.
• Our boy can’t spend time with girls, as girls spoil boys & people will think that he is a bad guy.
• Our daughter is 22, we should marry her with a suitable guy, else people will say she is having some problem that’s why she is not getting married.
• We can’t allow her to go on a college trip because she will come late at night & neighbors will think that she is not having a good character.
• I (Father) can’t go out with my daughter, people will think that something wrong is going between us. (What the heck, man!!)
• We have to marry our son as soon as possible so that before death we can spend some time with our grandchildren.
• We can’t allow her to get to rooftop because neighbors will think she might be looking at any guy.
• We have to stop her studies as if she will go for higher studies then we have to look for a higher qualified bachelor & in that case, we have to give a large amount of dowry. (Even I have heard parents saying their daughters, there is no need to study, at last, you have to stay home doing household work).
I can’t take my children out at lunch, he/she eats too fast or too slow and that will be a bad impression of mine.

Orthodox views:

If a child is good at studies, she can pursue her higher studies for a medical doctor or a govt school teacher. Otherwise no studies.

If a child is given too much freedom, then he/she will add shame to the family, children should have limits.

Not any child can pursue a specific career because that’s too risky.

Individuals must work in a public firm because of the added benefits i.e. job security. As hard work is required in private jobs.

At all costs, one should work in such a way, he or she should reach home before 6pm. Otherwise a job is not required for girls.

One should not be smart or oversmart. It may create problems for my in-laws home. So don't be very smart. Otherwise in-laws may not allow you to go to work.

Girl child, if goes to work, after job she should look after household work. No workers will be deputed for support in in-laws homes.

A girl child, in a workplace should not interact with her opposite gender colleagues or should not have touched with them for any reason. It may spoil my in-laws home image...

Reasons go beyond our imagination. She will be aged after completing her commitments and becoming disqualified to do her dream jobs.

But western culture is little different from us. How?

Conclusion:

Don't kill dreams, they are the future

To parents, your child needs your support, your child is not your society.

Later in your life, you shouldn’t be wanting, your child comes to you & say “You are the reason why I didn’t achieve my dreams”.

Don’t bother about the society, it killed thousands of dreams before & still killing.

Every single action of yours directly affects your child.

If you still have a pulse, God still has a purpose.

To my fellows, if your parents don’t support you, go against them, don’t stay in contact with every single person who doesn’t support your dream. You know you can do it. Do it for yourself. Be Strong.

“No one is going to save you. You have to save yourself

Don't kill their dreams. They are their future

🛞 Nahid Raza, UN Educationist

Let children be autonomous. They need to choose their path. When they own it, they excel. We need not to impose anything. Rather we must collaborate. Children are better in knowing themselves and world around them. Hence choice becomes easy for them to decide, own and excel. Let them allow to decide and focus.

They have immense capacity and enthusiasm to live and realise their dreams. Vinci had his own views and patterns of doing things and Jobs had the same. They excelled in fields they put themselves into. We need to listen to children.  They can steer to 21st century with confidence.  In place of hindering their path and progress, we could be contributor, engineer and driver. We generally switch to be carpenter to trim their dream. We could be gardens to water to nurture the saples of their dreams. Their dreams are limitless. We limit them with reality ignoring the fact that they could do wonders.

We think failure is defeat and withdraw children from experiencing innovation. It leads to status quo and limit  children where we are.

Patience is needed more in this Era of rapid growth and results. Children need to have own vision. They should own that vision. They should work on that vision every day. It should be small steps to accomplish it.

Infinite patience and perseverance lead to success. It is indeed almost sure to happen.

Many sectors are getting erased whereas many are created anew. Hence adaptability is more important than anything else. We need to let children set free to choose their pathway of stream and career. We need to support them unconditionally.

Don't kill their dreams, they are their future

🛞 Archana Khurana Sharma - UN Educationist

Yes, that is why one of the major areas we miss as teachers is Parents' counseling.

Imagine parents who themselves were told to embrace old patterns, and they grew up in that system.

Some of them might have been successful and hence they want to select only the best performing jobs/careers for their children.

They lack knowledge, they don't break their old patterns, stereotypes and therefore they become the foremost reason for killing dreams of their own children.

One more factor is our emotionally attached system. We Black mail our own loved ones into falling in the trap in the name of emotions and poor kids  succumb to their demands.

Don't kill their dreams, they are their future

Square board interaction - UN Educationists

• Azeez

Orthodox views:

If a child is good at studies, she can pursue her higher studies for a medical doctor or a govt school teacher. Otherwise no studies.

If a child is given too much freedom, then he/she will add shame to the family, children should have limits.

Not any child can pursue a specific career because that’s too risky.

Individuals must work in a public firm because of the added benefits i.e. job security. As hard work is required in private jobs.

At all costs, one should work in such a way, he or she should reach home before 6pm. Otherwise a job is not required for girls.

One should not be smart or oversmart. It may create problems for my in-laws home. So don't be very smart. Otherwise in-laws may not allow you to go to work.

Girl child, if goes to work, after job she should look after household work. No workers will be deputed for support in in-laws homes.

A girl child, in a workplace should not interact with her opposite gender colleagues or should not have touched with them for any reason. It may spoil my in-laws home image...

Reasons go beyond our imagination. She will be aged after completing her commitments and becoming disqualified to do her dream jobs.

• Dr. Sekar Srinivasan: commendable

• Mrs. Sangeetha Thyagarajan UNV: This is not just orthodox but condemnable.

Men, please realize that we teach gender sensitivity and equal opportunities in schools but still treat girls differently in society.

All women and ladies will understand this point- morality exists in our minds and actions. It doesn't exist in a girls hairstyle or dress or type of job or hours of work.

Close-minded society closes opportunities to brilliant women by stating such orthodox views.

Many well- educated women have wasted their management skills in a 10x10 kitchen all their lives.

Family is the first priority- NOT the only priority

• Sangeetha Thyagarajan  at Dr. Sekar Srinivasan: What's commendable, sir?
Kindly explain.

• Dr Sekar Srinivasan UNV: With the trending days identifying the actuals is a commendable aspect.

To mention how to come out of crux is also commendable

Both the parents and teachers find some limitations today to express the right and wrong by means of society's expression is more commendable.

The great poetic scholar BarthruHari says that a child learns 25 Percentage only from society.
So as your discussion falls in line with the above saying the views are commendable.

• Dr. BALA SUBRAMANIAN: The current idea of education system or education industry making child /students as product or like a machinery output than not respecting like a human with different intelligence, different parameters so on and even giving a guarantee to bring results by forgetting  the parameters of biological DNA, family , parents history so on.  Sometimes parents are trapped with sugary words from management or false promises. TIME TO RE- THINK, IF NOT WE MAY FORGET  THE Lord  FAMILY VERY SOON LIKE EUROPE COUNTRIES like no marriage and even marriages ,no childbirth.

Before the society was used to fighting or analysing only between male and female gender issues, the past 100 or 200 years on gender issues, equality, education, female childbirth rate, job, salary, nature of work, proving equality (  i hope it wont happen ) ( The recent financial survey say top 1% peoples reserves is almost  = to 40% of the middle class reserves so on )     and so on and so forth, and sadly, the topic is still going strong and the issues keep fixed, and  unfortunately, other issues  increases began  even with high literacy states ,at an alarming rate, issues such as rapes, killings, or murders, child crimes, high childbirths (without marriages and many others

Another issue is that, over the last 10 or 20 years, one more gender population has been steadily increasing and occupying the population, performing well in education, the labour market, and so on (referred to as the third gender).At the same time, the rate of child or child population is rapidly declining due to delayed marriages, late employment or low wages, finding the right partner, some biological issues, and the high rate of divorce, which may cause people to avoid marriage and increase live-in relationships (another issue), while others simply state that they do not want or cannot bring well-being to society, as seen very clearly in Europe.

Please remember to live in the present and to increase the happiness index in family systems at home and at work. Nobody can live a normal life while serving a court order and loving and living healthily.

Accept the tolerable inequality and imbalances in order to play the game of seesaw, or else close the playing field.

Don't kill their dreams, They are their future

• T Sujatha UN Educationist

Very true...1. Parents thrust their unfulfilled ambitions on their own children knowing fully well that their children passion lies somewhere else. 2. Societal pressure too to be blamed. 3. Comparison 4. Blindly following the rat race.
5. Making children take up the money making profession

• Sangeetha Thyagarajan UN Educationist

Let's break this down

1. As a teacher, I realise that knowledge is true wealth.
2. But, as a parent, though, i want my children to be knowledgeable, i would prefer it if they are above the average per capita (city) income.
3. Passion doesn't always feed the family, pay rent or pay the school fees.
4. Rat race exists only in the minds of people. You can run it or skip it- depending on ones individual opinion.
5. Many adults who were forced in to Engineering by their parents have now quit it to seek their passions.
6. Blaming parents who mostly have children's well-being as their only priority doesn't seem right.

• Kunju C Nair. UN Educationist

Along with all, we are in the transformation of 4th industrial revolution.

The changes are happening in a fast pace.

The children should be prepared to accept the challenges of the changes.

• Dr. BALA SUBRAMANIAN UN Educationist

We forget to live in the present and always live with the past or future, no one had predicted the last 3 years, how the education industry drastically changed with zom online classes and online tests and doing examination at  home and so so so.

Perhaps some teaching staff kicked and some did very excellent and also most students changed to the current zoom classes methods  etc..

I m very sure due to internet  and computing machines, machine learning, AI, robots etc.... Many conventional jobs will not exist , like  banks, online medical health counsellings, legal counsellings and  so on.

Perhaps no one might predicted  this even much qualified, so children and. Students need strict monitoring and continuos support and not all can achieve the imaginary dreams in the competitive world, and  Should stress the goals to. Be very realistic and practical, if not we have to work more to bring them out from the depression domain.

So be realistic, teach or make aware of realistic please.Give your love and care unconditional   and  at the same time please teach the possibilities and reality in this current world.

When we use to see the achievements and success stories, it may be maximum 1% or 2% and perhaps those are very talented and anyway they can excel what ever rhe domain given, majority of them are highly confused and even we know rhe unemployed market ratio, and many engineers and even. Medical graduates doing bank exams and fighting  for survival, my kind request is we  have to make them the realistic statistics and possibilities, perhaps this is the bad example only the son of the chief Ministers in India can become easily MLA and even minister position too ans reach the dream within the age 30 years or 40 years , and perhaps the the experience person like 50 or 60 or 70 years old, honest person cannot even become a local counsellors.

So kindly guide the goals and dream to be very realistic.

So kindly teach and make them to be disciplined and organised, be humanly ( to avoid school days crime....) in the school/college studies